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Junk Foods Against Obesity

When Armageddon comes, fast food clowns will dress up as fitness instructors and cola companies will write nutrition guidelines for schools... Oh wait, that day is already here, at least judging from this new batch of corporate "health" websites.

Coca-Cola's Step Challenge - "Promoting Health and Fighting Obesity" by marketing Coke-branded pedometers in schools. Coke, of course, continues to fight for its right to sell flavored sugar water in elementary school lunch rooms. Drink up, kids, then walk it off! Don't miss Coke's tips for getting in shape:  #8: "Window-Shop 'Til you Drop: Do a couple of laps around the shopping mall...before you stop in." And (my favorite), #9: "If you and your family are glued to the TV, get up and walk around the room during commercial breaks."

PepsiCo says its "wide spectrum of products can be part of a balanced diet."

PepsiCo, Health Is Power - This site encourages schools to sell as many Pepsi products as possible so they can earn "prizes" like Pepsi-branded pedometers. Pepsi: Where a "balanced diet" is washing your Baked Lays and granola bars down with Tropicana.

McDonald's Go Active - Man, Ronald is looking skinny these days. No doubt it's the McDonald's-branded pedometer.But someone obviously got confused when writing this site. Ronald's Online Coloring Book is "For those days when you can’t go outside to play" but notice the doozy of a disclaimer at the bottom of the page:  "This site is intended for adults only and is not intended for use by children of any age. This site does not provide medical or any other health care advice. " Oh, really?

General Mills' Choose Breakfast - Unlike competitor Kraft, General Mills doesn't shy away from touting the nutritional value of its cereals (Trix, Lucky Charms, Cocoa Puffs) and plans to promote them in its new campaign. "We think kids should be eating cereal, including presweetened cereal," a spokesman told the Wall Street Journal. Naturally the food industry's PR wing applauds the campaign. As one tool put it, "Most kids breakfast cereals are better than no breakfast at all."  Yeah, and most kids breakfast cereals are better than getting punched in the head or devoured by robots, but why set the standard so low?

The Beverage Institute for Health and Wellness - Another Coke site, but this one's devoted specifically to "Helping people all over the world live healthier lives through beverages." Because human evolution really sped up after fluids were introduced to our diet. Thanks, Coke.

There are more but you get the idea. The one thing I want to point out about these campaigns is that, while most adults know fast food and soda isn't good for you, that fact is largely beside the point. For one thing, most of this stuff is targeting kids but, more importantly, marketers' goal isn't to persuade. They know that when people stop to think about nutrition, they'll realize whole wheat and salad is better than fried chicken and sugar pops. Their goal is, rather, to make sure that the first image that comes to mind when somebody says McDonald's is a seductive one. When you think of McDonald's, do you think "tasty convenience" or "greasy liposuction"?