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Tchai-cough!-sky

From reading my occasional posts here, you might get the sense I spend the bulk of my time watching TV, eating pizza, and reading Friendster messages from imaginary Russian women. And that's basically the truth. But I do have my "classy" moments. Last night, for example, I took in an evening with the New York Philharmonic. (OK, OK, a friend who was leaving town gave me her tickets, but still.)

The jeans-wearing friend who accompanied me wondered if she was underdressed. I was able to assure her that all was fine, as soon as I noticed a gentleman in the front row sporting a Lou Piniella jersey.

But my purpose today is to open up a discussion with those of you more familiar than I am with classical music performances. Specifically: What is the mad obsession with coughing?!?

In the Playbill, in the User's Guide to the New York Philharmonic, there is a "Quiet, Please" subsection. It states, "We offer you cough drops during winter-month concerts. Please help yourself—helping you feel better, and helping us all to be a quieter audience. Natural Her Cough Drops—Courtesy of Ricola USA, Inc."

OK, fair enough. An attentive, quiet audience is always appreciated. Here's the kicker, though. The music starts up (Weber's Bassoon Concerto, followed by Tchaikovsky's Violin Concerto and Silbelius's Symphony No. 5). We reach a pause at the end of the first movement, and my friend whispers that applause should be held until the end of the entire piece. Applause was the only noise held, however. The audience took the opportunity to cough, hack, clear throats, blow noses, and emit inhuman grunts. From every corner of Avery Fisher Hall arose a repulsive symphony.

Is it psychological? Since we are allowed to cough during that brief window, we must cough? Certainly they weren't collectively holding in coughs for 15-minute stretches? It was surreal. It was gross.

On a completely different topic, and more rhetorically: Of all those Eastern European who write to me on Friendster, how come it has not once been guest violinist Julia Fischer?