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Open Letter to my Dear Friend Generosa Pratts
Hi Generosa!
Just wanted to drop you a line to say that I received your letter of January 19. You know, the one that began…
Dear Jack Silbert:
As an owner at Westgate Resorts, I'm entitled to reward a friend with a special offer to visit a 5-star Westgate Resort in Orlando, FL and I chose you!
What a lovely surprise to hear from you! And so refreshing to receive an actual letter instead of one of these new-fangled e-mails that the young people are so taken with. I would've written back to you in "snail mail" form but you forgot to put a return address on the envelope. Oh well!
Now, you said something about a 4-day/3-night something-or-other, and that is all very generous of you. (Your mama knew what she was doing when she dubbed you "Generosa"!) But Generosa dear, all that means nothing to me when I have the chance to reconnect with you—my good friend!
The thing is, Generosa, and I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I can't seem to place how we know each other. I have looked in my Fave Five, my list of myspace friends, Friendster friends (you're not one of those Eastern Bloc girls, are you?), Netflix friends, Facebook, Hi5, LinkedIn, Plaxo, that stupid new one with the American Idol-style book writing competition, my college alumni directory, high-school yearbook, junior-high yearbook, local phone book, Google, Wikipedia…I can't find you anywhere, you minx! There is a "Generosa Pratts" listed on peoplefinders.com—a 48-year-old who lives either in Brooklyn, the Bronx, Ridgewood, NY, or Jersey City. Still not ringing a bell, though! You don't, by any chance, work in a paper-bag manufacturing plant?
Well, no matter, we've got the rest of our lives to connect the dots and catch up. There is so much I want to tell you, Generosa! Here I've been sitting home alone watching commercials, just wishing and hoping a friend like you would come along. Someone to bring me soup when I'm feeling icky. Someone to give me a ride when my car is in the shop. Someone to pet-sit my Boston terrier, Oreo. (What a scamp!) Are you my missing link to Kevin Bacon? Can I put you down as a reference? Any single friends you could introduce me to? Will you help me move? Can I borrow a few bucks, just till payday? I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. Here, put this Ziploc bag in your carry-on luggage, and act like everything's cool.
Will you comment on my blog posts?
I know this must be just as overwhelming for you, Generosa, so I'll stop there for now. Keep smilin', keep shinin', and know that you can always count on me, for sure!
Love,
Jack
p.s. Write back soon!
Posted by Jack Silbert on 01/29/2007 | Permalink
Comments
It's funny that you mention Kevin Bacon, because he has a new, very confusing charity site based on the six degrees game:
sixdegrees.org
I think you and Generosa should cozy up in the spacious living room of your WestGate villa and watch Hollow Man.
Posted by: carli | Jan 30, 2007 1:35:12 AM
I have a single friend to introduce you to. His name is Biff and he's 6-foot-7, and can recite most of the alphabet. Is that too tall?
I'm actually shorter, female, admire your sense of humor and ability to notice everything, and am a lover of Jersey arcana, a writer with a down-to-earth sense of humor, but alas, the timing is all wrong. However, I have received word that Generosa is already working on a list of friends for you...perhaps the imfamous Omarosa?!?
Posted by: Jersey Girl | Jan 30, 2007 11:43:58 AM
I got a mysterious newspaper clipping in the mail from someone on Long Island with a post-it note reading "I saw this and thought you'd like to check it out." with an illegible initial/name at the bottom. Maybe this was also a letter from Generosa? If so, please let her know when she gets in touch with you that I'm actually not that interested in finance seminars on the weekends, but thanks for her consideration all the same.
Posted by: Jess | Jan 30, 2007 2:34:42 PM
A friend provided this link, saying "read his piece on natalie maclean....she and generosa should host a wine party in orlando!"
Posted by: Jack Silbert | Jan 30, 2007 11:37:36 PM
Buddy, you better steer clear of Generosa Pratts, 'cause she has the muy generosa clap, and will give it to you, in Florida even, then your winkie fall off, though the whole world is waiting to see Harry Potter's.
Posted by: chak | Feb 4, 2007 4:23:58 AM
hello friend,
my name is mike i came from nigeria . i am age of 32 yrs old. i am here looking an seeking for my love if there is any body that she is intrested on me pls fillfree to contact me on phone through this number +2348086119375 so that we can talk more better about our relashionship better.
i am here waitten for your call or you can also text your message to through the number that i writen there below.+2348086119375. thank you very murch for your intrested. conssine
yours.
mike
Posted by: mike | Mar 7, 2007 6:13:43 AM
Mike, I'll pass your number along to Generosa. I think we may have a love connection!
Posted by: Jack Silbert | Mar 7, 2007 10:57:42 AM
