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Free The Primate One!

The bankruptcy of an animal sanctuary might have left Heisl, a 26-year-old chimp, homeless and destined for vivisection if it weren't for the intervention of a businessman who donated £3,400 for his care and feeding. Alas, an inconceivably stupid Catch-22 may prevent the donation from saving the chimp: Heisl needs a guardian to manage the money but, under Austrian law, a guardian can only be appointed to a person. And so we end up with a well-intentioned lawsuit bound for a crushing defeat:

A group of world leading primatologists argue that ... Hiasl, a 26-year-old chimpanzee, deserves to be treated like a human. In a test case in Austria, campaigners are seeking to ditch the 'species barrier' and have taken Hiasl's case to court.

The lawsuit rests on the genetic similarity between chimps and humans and recent research that demonstrates higher-order behaviors such as use of tools and peacemaking. It does not appear to reconcile this with the not-insignificant possibility that the plaintiff may fling poo at the judge even if the case is going reasonably well.

So a case will go forward to establish that chimps are entitled to fundamental human rights. Which inevitably means that Alberto Gonzales will file an amicus curiae brief on behalf of the United States to argue that even if the chimps are entitled to human rights, the government has the right to set the terms of detention or execution without intervention from the courts.

Via Monkeywire