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The Virgin that Wants You

So the other day Carrie sent me this link to an article in the Brooklyn-based blog Brownstoner (that was a fun alliteration) about these insipid new Virgin Mobile locally-targeted ads: If you click and read the copy, they're pretty awful, like some smarmy salesguy who Googled you. It's transparent and creepy. What the fuck does Virgin, a British company, really know about Bed-Stuy? Is Richard Branson out there most afternoons, getting his hair cornrowed on the stoop of his building?

But you can see why Virgin Mobile is wary of those "newcomers who want to change Bed-Stuy into some sort of yuppie strip-mall." Yeah, you tell 'em, Virgin Mobile.

Carrie asked if I'd seen these out here in LA, and my first thought was that those wouldn't really play in LA, where neighborhoods are less defined. But this morning I went out to check my mail and saw this sign in front of my driveway (click for a bigger image to read the text).

Looks like I was wrong. They are doing it here, but they're skipping the bullshit neighborhood parts and targeting specific homes. I have no idea how they got all this information. It feels pretty creepy. But how can I turn down a phone from a company so into me?

Green screens

While I'm psyched about all of the attention given to environmental issues lately it was only a matter of time before green product claims became self-parody. Witness the phenomenon, as reported in Rob Walker's Consumed column this week, of Credit Covers - decorative "skins" to personalize credit cards. A key selling point: the skins are "sweatshop free" and "carbon neutral."

Environmental claims are a dime a dozen but I'm hard-pressed to think of a more worthless product that uses them. Here's an environmentally friendly thought: don't wrap your credit cards in unnecessary packaging.  And to the guy who sells this crap: You want to be carbon neutral? Stop breathing.

A 1934 ad for "skinny" women to gain weight

It's hard to imagine a time when it was common for American women to try to put on weight. But thanks to this awesome 1934 ad we know it happened. Yep, body image here isn't all that much different than in Fiji—the transition just happened a lot earlier.

As a skinny person myself, I've always found it funny how 80- and 90-year old women will tell me how much weight I need to gain.... which, granted, may have as much to do about them being 90 and no longer bothering with social niceties as pre-television-era standards of beauty. But I remember meeting the 90-something friend of my man Charles's family for the first time. Upon being introduced, she told me I was too thin, then turned to Charles and said, incredulously, "You like her like that?!?"

(Via Boing Boing and Modern Mechanix)

New Zealand fights back against attractiveness

Pity poor Burger King. A distant number two to McDonald's, they try to close the gap with a little T&A and a bunch of New Zealand tightasses shut them down. It appears that the Kiwis don't allow advertising that uses "sex appeal simply to draw attention to a product." Apparently, some people in New Zealand have daughters or are women or something.

It is like a more feminist version of the British rule that prevents alcohol companies from implying that booze leads to sexual success, which I believe is known in the UK as the "No Truth in Advertising Law."

(Via Adfreak)

Sick of air sickness bags yet?

British Airways has taken US Airways ads on airsickness bags one step further. I found these ads as oversized airsickness bags on the Upper East Side the other day. "How did air travel become so bloody awful?" the bags ask the close observer.

Above them, the billboard reads "Party Like a Rockstar," and next to them (not pictured) is a sushi bar that's been shut down by the health department.

I give it two days before the bags start leaking.

Purely Coincidental

This cautionary film was made in the late 1970s for food manufacturers (human and pet). It lays on the heavy melodrama to make its point about the food safety. Guilt, assembly lines of food products and a dramatic soundtrack make this a favorite from the A/V Geeks archive.

Grand Fenwick Attacks!

Antigua has been fighting the U.S. before the WTO for years, arguing that American restrictions on internet gambling violate GATT. The U.S. has, essentially, told Antigua that if it wanted to change U.S. law, they might want to invest in a nuclear warhead to get us to care.

Well, it seems that the mouse has roared. Antigua has asked the WTO for permission to release it from its obligations to the U.S. under GATT. In other words, Antigua is about to stop respecting U.S. copyrights. That should get the U.S. to start paying attention.

I'm pretty sure that Jack Valenti rolled over in his grave when Antigua filed its request. And just when he finally found a comfortable position!

(Via Fark)

Spamtastic!

I'm no Spamusements, but I'd like to take a moment for more spam-based miscellany.

1) In the spirit of Toby the Rabbit, we were forwarded this email from reader Tosha:

>Hello my friend!
>
>I am ready to kill myself and eat my dog, if medicine prices [at an online pharmacy
>I have no intention of linking to] are bad.
>
>Look, the site and call me 1-800 if its wrong..
>
>My dog and I are still alive :)

I point out that "1-800" while kindly toll-free, is not actually a complete number. And that the website had a .hk domain; perhaps a joke about eating one's dog is not the best tactic.

2) I received an email with the subject "Best way to improve your credit score"; I didn't read it but I'll bet it said "Pay your bills, asshole."

American Woman

The caption next to this photo from The Sun was

MISS USA 2007 Rachel Smit parades [her nipple] during the Miss Universe's native dress fashion show in Mexico City.

I may have added the bracketed phrase.

In any event, America's native dress is apparently Vegas-tacky and really, really slutty. Well done, Miss USA!

NYT op-ed on Congestion Pricing

Sunday's New York Times had a couple of Op-Eds about Mayor Bloomberg's plan for congestion pricing in New York City. One of them, by Ellen F. Crain, makes almost no sense at all. Crain argues that congestion pricing will inadvertently lead to more traffic in the outer boroughs because "drivers will be looking for parking near subways there to take them to Midtown."

I'd love to ask Ms. Crain where all this presumably free and easy parking in Brooklyn is. I'm in Flatbush and even here free parking is slim pickins. The plumber across the street sometimes sits in his car for an hour just waiting for a space to open up. The idea that swarms of people rich enough to keep a car in the City would drive to another neighborhood, search for a space to park, then board the train for a 35-minute ride to the city just to save $4 (assuming the subway and back is $4) takes some imagination. I don't know about the other boroughs, but I'm going to guess that the closer one gets to the city and the subway, the harder it is to find free parking.

The entire Op-Ed rests on this claim, which is totally unsubstantiated in any way. It also doesn't acknowledge that there's a pretty easy workaround: get rid of free parking!

College is over-rated

As anyone who uses social network services knows, most friend requests are fake - either advertisements for porn or scams. Alas, most fake requests are just barely plausible enough that I click through to make sure that they are fake before declining the request. Yesterday I received a friend request from a webcam site named "Amanda" and it instantly became my favorite fake request ever.

Aside from looking like her head was awkwardly attached to her voluptuous body with a linebacker's neck, she is kinda cute. But it isn't the picture that made her my favorite, it was this bit from her bio (all errors and hyphens in the original):

My name is Amanda. I currently attend college and habe mixed feelings about it. As far as I'm concerned school is important but yet over-rated. There for i do not consider my self a book warm and I love going out.... At school I'm currently studing Journalism and I plan to become one sooner or later.

I think anyone who isn't a "book warm" would have mixed feelings about college! Good luck becoming a Journalism, Amanda.

Replacing Ads with Art

Co-blogger Steve Lambert of the Anti-Advertising Agency got some coverage in today's New York Times for AddArt, a Firefox App which replaces advertising on web pages with modern art.

It is a very cool tool, building on the open source AdBlock Plus, not only getting rid of the ads but filling in the space left behind.

I encourage you to read the NYT article because, even if you aren't interested in blocking advertising (really? you aren't?), Mr. Lambert is a striking man and there is a color photo.

Welcome to Tomorrowland, Now Jew-Free

If you wanted to convince the youth of your nation to take up arms in the struggle for independence and the eradication of Jews, is there a better spokesperson than Mickey Mouse? Hamas doesn't think so, and has a children's show starring "Farfour," who sports a familiar look.

The Walt Disney Co. is not happy, but Walt probably isn't thawing himself over this.

As an aside, the SkyNews report about Disney Co.'s reaction closes with the best throwaway line ever:

Farfour also tells children to drink their milk and pray.

(Thanks, Bernardo!)

UPDATE: Hamas has agreed to temporarily shelve the program while it is "under review." Probably to focus on DVD sales.

The "good" news about Japan's increasingly American diet?

This story in the Wall Street Journal just caught my eye: Japanese Clothiers Update Their Lines; Changes in Diet Produce Curvier Bodies in Women. It begins:

All over Japan, retailers are scrambling to keep up with a new look known as "bon-kyu-bon." It means "big-small-big" and it signals a change in the way Japanese women look: They're getting curvier.

Japanese stores that used to keep just two or three sizes of clothing on hand are rushing to stock larger sizes... Wacoal Corp., Japan's largest lingerie company, was once known for its super-padded brassieres. Now the company has a new best-seller: the "Love Bra," a cleavage-boosting creation with less padding, aimed at curvier women in their 20s.

We've read this story before: the Japanese are eating more like Americans—more meat and junk food—and gaining weight. Of course, they're not just gaining weight: they're gaining obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, and heart problems. Japanese girls are now menstruating earlier as well.

It's as if the writer of this story decided, "hey, let's look on the bright side!" The omission of any reference to the fact that the weight gain is society-wide and not limited to 15-year-olds' boobs makes this story read more like something out of Pornography Weekly than the esteemed Journal.

There is, however, this inscrutable claim:

The physical changes are largely the result of an increasingly Westernized diet, say nutritionists. Meals that used to consist of mostly fish, vegetables and tofu now lean heavily toward an American-style menu of red meat, dairy and indulgences such as Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Cold Stone Creamery ice cream. All this extra protein and calcium has led to longer, stronger and fuller bodies.

Stronger? Really? No idea where that one came from, as there's not a bit of evidence here to support it. Besides, fish and tofu are protein.... leading us to think... what exactly? That all those ice cream cones and doughnuts are building muscle mass?

I'm tempted to blame this one on Rupert Murdoch, but it seems like every actual news writer at the Wall Street Journal doesn't want anything to do with him (which is to say, they oppose his bid to buy the paper). Oh, well, at least the writer gets off a nice zinger, ending off with this quote by Saki Toraiwa, a 21-year-old cashier who "likes to wear skin-tight T-shirts, jeans and high heels":

"If I'm feeling confident, I'll show it off," says Ms. Toraiwa, "but lately a lot of it just depends on what my boyfriend likes."

Euphemism of the Week

What do you call the

agitation, anxiety, akathesia, panic attacks, irritability, aggressiveness, worsening of mood, dysphoria, crying spells or mood lability, overactivity or hyperactivity, depersonalization, decreased concentration, slowed thinking, confusion and memory/concentration difficulties

...and other symptoms suffered from getting off of SSRI antidepressants such as Prozac or Zoloft? Well, if you're in the pharmaceutical business, you don't call it “withdrawal,” you call it “Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome.”

In other words, the problem isn't that SSRIs are physically addictive, the problem is your decision to stop taking them.

I love how garden-variety withdrawal is now a "syndrome." Sounds like something you'd need a drug for. Imagine that.

(Via Mindhacks)

NYC Comedy on Thursday Night

Last March, I got together with a few of my comedian friends to set up a show where we could get get audition tapes made. Remember? It was a qualified  success - full house, great sets, awsome time - but I remain decidedly not famous. Possibly because last year I was rocking back and forth like I was davening.

Anyway, like I said, we are doing it again, with less bobbing and weaving:

Thursday, May 10 at 8PM
Mo Pitkin's - 34 Avenue A between 2d St. and 3d St.
Only $5!

Hosted by: Tony Camin (Comedy Central, The Marijuana-logues)
Featuring:
Charles Star - Onion Network News contributor and, of course, Stay Free!
Rachael Parenta
Adrienne Iapalucci
Claudia Cogan - Fake Gay News
Headliner: Pete Holmes (VH1's Best Week Ever, Comedy Central)

I hope some of you can make it out.

Longer bios of the host and headliner below the fold.

Our headliner is the hilarious Pete Holmes. Pete Holmes is on VH1's Best Week Ever, was on Comedy Central's Premium Blend, is a favorite at CollegeHumor.com and is the host of periodic late-night open mic Gut Bucket at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. Also, we play poker together sometimes. Some of those links have clips, if you want a preview.

The whole thing is hosted by Tony Camin, who has also been on Premium Blend, is one of the co-writers of hit play The Marijuana-logues, and is the co-host of the live talk show Broin' Out at UCB. If you haven't been following the links, you can see another clip of him here.

Big-City LA Living

So all last night my cat, Effie, is driving me batshit. He's meowing and meowing, I feed him, let him sleep on me, try to follow him, everything. But he won't shut up. And my dogs were acting a bit weird, too. So I finally get to sleep. Six hours later I groggily arise, and stumble over into my office, tailed eagerly by Virginia (one of the dogs) and Effie. I get into the office, pull back my desk chair, and see this:

Suddenly, it all made sense. That's why all the animals were going so crazy! They had a prisoner for me! A pretty big, hissing, teeth-bearing possum! Actually, I found out later they actually had nine prisoners for me, as this possum was a single possum momma, raising eight baby possums on a single possum's salary.

All in all, it's not a bad way to start a day. Keeps things fresh and exciting, unexpected animals. I especially like that I lived most of my life in North Carolina and never had a possum family camp out in my workspace, but now that I'm in LA, it's hillbilly living time.

And, for those of you wondering, my fiancée Sally (who grew up in rural West Virginia and had racoons for pets) helped me capture the family, give them lots of tasty food, and take them to a rescue center. I think they're working on a pilot for Fox now.

Computer Press = Pravda?

At the risk of further offending the Apple Mafia, and noting that some of Stay Free's best (and favoritest) PC's and mp3 players are Apple products, I regret to inform you that not only is Apple not a big fan of critical reporting on Apple, neither is an important arm of the Apple-covering press.

According to Wired, PC World Editor-In-Chief Harry McCracken resigned after the CEO of the company spiked an anti-Apple humor article:

The piece, a whimsical article titled "Ten Things We Hate About Apple," was still in draft form when [new CEO Colin] Crawford killed it. McCracken said no way and walked after Crawford refused to compromise. Apparently Crawford also told editors that product reviews in the magazine were too critical of vendors, especially ones who advertise in the magazine, and that they had to start being nicer to advertisers.

That is one rigorous firewall between editorial and advertising you've established, Col. I wonder if it had anything to do with his past tenure at MacWorld ... why yes it does!

Crawford was former CEO of MacWorld and only started at PC World about a month ago. According to the PC World source, when Crawford was working for the Mac magazine, Steve Jobs would call him up any time he had a problem with a story the magazine was running about Apple.

I wonder why it is so hard to get people to believe that iPods are fragile. I mean, it isn't reported on much...

(Via Gawker)

UPDATE: McCracken stays, Crawford is kicked upstairs and out of an editorial role. Again, via Gawker, who reads Wired's blog so I don't have to.

The Real Costs

Michael Mandiberg's The Real Costs "is a Firefox plug-in that inserts emissions data into travel related e-commerce websites.  The first version adds CO2 emissions information to airfare websites such as Orbitz.com, United.com, Delta.com, etc.  Following versions will work with car directions, car rental, and shipping websites. Think of it like the nutritional information labeling on the back of food... except for emissions."

I've already used the plugin and learned that, as much as I hate to say it, driving a car can be good*. Only because plane flights release such enormous amounts of carbon. Ok, lesson learned: flying is bad.  But this is where The Real Costs gets complicated.  The inherent short-term problem is that the flight will likely leave whether you buy a ticket or not.  Taking a train or bus on a long trip, while environmentally a better choice, can be just as expensive as a plane (or more) - thanks to government subsidies to the airline industry and cutting funding for rail.  Not to mention the US's lack of a high speed rail system.  Argh, what to do?  Ultimately that difficult choice is for each of us to make. What The Real Costs can do is give a larger picture of how inefficient flying is.  Maybe enough New Yorkers will stop flying to Boston, or California residents will understand the urgency of a LA-SF high speed rail line.  The first step towards change is understanding that there is a problem.  I know I didn't understand just how inefficient plane flight was until faced with the numbers in my browser.

*for long trips.  For short trips, you can ride your bike and take public transit.

News in Google Time

I don't mean to brag, but I use Gmail. The ticker on gmail constantly taunts me with ads for some coffee-based Truther site, which I won't link to because I don't want you to know the same things that the coffee industry doesn't want you to know. Mostly, though, Gmail just gives me really old news. For instance, this just came across the wire:

CNN.com Recently Published/Updated - New Jersey governor hurt in car crash

Either Google really needs to clear out the cache or that guy might want to stay off the highway.

UPDATE:

ESPN.com - Cavs secure home court for first round of playoffs

I mean, seriously.