Stay Free! Daily

Al'z Well at the Nursing Home

Congratulations to me, as I spotted the worst attempt at branding in the history of locally produced television commercials.

The shot below comes from a TV commercial for Ruby Weston Manor, an assisted-living facility in East New York.

And the photo can't begin to convey the creepily serene voice that invited us to send our loved ones to stay with good ol' Al (once good ol' Al had come to stay).

A promise of quality

Also from the Fulton Mall, the second in what I hope will become a series on my favorite 99¢-stores:

The "or more" formulation is de rigeur in 99¢-store pricing, but this place does it in the form of a promise. It is like the proprietor is saying 59¢? 79¢? We don't sell cheap crap like that! Everything here is guaranteed to be 99¢!

Afraid of the great Beyond?

From the Fulton Mall:

Pant-Hoot: Comedy in Brooklyn

I am producing and hosting Pant-Hoot, a new monthly comedy show at Magnetic Field in Brooklyn.

I've got a great lineup for the first show.

Pete Holmes (VH1's Best Week Ever, Comedy Central's Premium Blend)
Dan Allen (Comedy Central's Premium Blend)
Amy Crossfield (Comedy Central's Open Mic Fight)
Pat O'Shea (Host at Freddy's)
Claudia Cogan (CollegeHumor.com)
Hosted by me with an educational interlude from Monkeywire.org.

Pant-Hoot
Magnetic Field
Tuesday, August 28 @8PM
97 Atlantic Avenue (Hicks / Henry)
Brooklyn Heights

See you there?

More traffic for Park Slope?

Though Stay Free! HQ is no longer based in Park Slope, I was nonetheless troubled to read about new changes that the DOT is proposing to 6th and 7th Avenue. Namely: converting them from two-way into one-way streets.

Why is this a problem? One way streets have a heavier traffic load, so it'll bring more traffic to the Slope. Cars on one-way streets tend to go faster, which helps explain why you don't typically see them on cosy, pedestrian-friendly commercial strips like 7th Avenue. If you want to make it easy for people to visit local shops, you don't design the roads for heavy through-traffic.

Streetsblog is on top of the story, so you can find out more about it here and here. I'll keep you posted about things you can do to help oppose or reform the proposal.

UPDATE (3/13/07): Brooklynites can sign a petition against the Park Slope road changes here.

UPDATE (3/14/07): Watch the Streetfilms video documenting the differences between one- and two way avenues in Park Slope.

Heidi Cody goods + gallery show

Friend of Stay Free! Heidi Cody is part of a group show opening this week in Williamsburg at the Front Room, "Multiples and Editions." You may remember Heidi from the Illegal Art Exhibit, and from our beloved advertising toilet paper. The reception runs 7 pm to 9 pm on Friday, and the show will remain up through February 11.

Which reminds me: Heidi is now selling a poster of American Alphabet - the perfect gift for all of you media literacy teachers out there. You can buy it for $30 + $5 s/h via our website - a $15 savings from the gallery price and worth every penny. Come to think of it, you can also buy "Ads on TP" - via HeidiCody.com.

Give a penny. That is an order.

Aren't pennies annoying? They clog your pockets during the day and annoy your significant other as your end-of-day pocket dump results in a pile of copper that can be put up for bid on the Commodities Exchange.

Is there a solution? Finally, yes. Stay Free! crossword constructor Francis Heaney found a restaurant that has decided to solve the problem for you. By rounding up.

This will come as a great relief to those among us who get antsy when their credit card bill isn't divisible by a nickel.

Brooklyn Shopkeepers Can't Make Up Their Minds

On a recent walk along New York Avenue in Brooklyn, I saw two signs that point to some serious schizophrenia on the part of the store owners. The first appears on the entry door of a bodega -- and leads to a lot of Midvale-School hilarity -- but the second points to yet another reason why the terrorists hate us: the way America changes Muslims that move here.

I can't decide what would upset Osama more: that bacon is considered halal or that the deli sells bagels.

Hitler Youth Is Served

Cheers to the caption savant at the Park Slope Courier, who stumbled into the perfect tag for this photo of teenage douchebag Walter Petryk.

Frankly, Frank, this design sucks

Jonathan Lethem has written an open letter to Frank Gehry setting forth all of the reasons that Ratnerville is bad for Brooklyn, for architecture and for Gehry himself.

I don't have much faith, but I hope that Lethem can break through the thick cash-crust that is currently smothering Gehry's two-sizes-too-small heart - if only to save Freddy's.

Via Gawker.